The Evolution of Habits

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A couple years ago I wrote about my morning practice. It's evolved and solidified since then, so I thought it'd be good to take a moment to reflect on how I got to the point where my days are something I look forward to getting out of bed for. It can be easy to be hard on ourselves or disappointed when we can’t just flip a switch. Looking at habits as an evolution has been essential for me getting to where I am today.

The night before
It'd be easy and natural to start by talking about what time my alarm goes off, but the reality is that success starts the night before, by going to bed early. This is the easiest "hack" to getting up rested, but also the most challenging one to stay on top of.

My goal is 10pm, but before midnight is what I'm really shooting for. With time I've worked to limit my Netflix consumption to one episode per evening (depending on the length of the show and I do fail more often than not). As much as possible I to wrap up screen time around 10pm.

On my way to bed I make sure that my dishes are done (makes the morning far more pleasant), and I fold the blanket on my couch. The rest of the living room can be a mess, but at least I have my morning spot ready.

I don't have a super involved evening routine, but brushing my teeth, flossing , washing my face, getting in my PJs, and doing my 1-min plank + 20 push-ups and ends up taking a solid 30 minutes. The thing that really gets me to bed, is that I love reading a book in bed.

Several years ago flossing became a way for me to feel like I was in control. If I could take the time to floss, I was taking care of myself. As for my plank and push-ups, a year after starting, I added 15 seconds and 20 push-ups, so I’m up to 1min15 sec + 40 push-ups. When you do something consistently, you can feel your strength (and see your results). It’s not always easy, but I like to tell myself I can do anything for 15 seconds. As for more push ups it reminds me of my what my favorite gym teacher would say, “there is no progress without effort.”

While this system works for me before bed, I hadn’t even considered moving it to morning until a friend seemed surprised. Time of day is another thing I want to experiment with. I know my Monday morning workout (BodyBalance) integrates the push-ups and plank and I have have to admit it’s nice to get it done and out of the way for the day. (More on my mornings to come.)

My bed is a phone free-zone on week days. (I set the rule if I'm looking at my phone in my bedroom my feet have to be on the floor). When I walk into my room I set my phone to night mode, and put my phone face down as I charge it. Reading physical books also helps minimize the time I spend on screens. I allow myself to look at my phone in bed on weekends. Over time I’ve realized it’s really doesn’t feel great, so over time I’ve worked to read in the mornings in bed which is great for making progress on my books.

The last thing I do before getting into bed is I sit on the side of my bed and have five quiet minutes of meditation. This is often something guided by my therapist where I'm focusing on positive reframes to stories I tell myself. Or I just let myself quiet my mind and think about nothing—which is the hardest thing to do. This evolved from something my biz coach asked us to do for 15 days, but it stuck for me. I find that trying out something for a short period is the best way to take the pressure off and see what really helps.

Then it’s time to cozy up and read. I read longer than I’d like to most nights, but I consider that a good project and let myself read until I sense myself dozing off.

Waking up
A couple years ago when I started my morning practice—inspired by a testimonial from a woman who was not a morning person but said it completely changed her life—I decided 7:10am would be my week day wake up time. (To Americans that's a late start, to the French they think I'm crazy to want to wake up that early.)

I bought an inexpensive "sunrise alarm clock" online that starts lighting up 30 minutes before my alarm goes off. My bedroom doesn't get a lot of natural light and can feel a bit cave like. This can be great for sleeping, but not great for waking up—especially in winter when mornings are dark. (I also turn on the colored disco light feature at night as I'm winding down and reading, as it sparks joy.)

The hardest habit to break—and it took a long time—was to stop snoozing in the morning. (The getting to bed earlier thing was the biggest help.) I noticed how hard I was on myself on days where I snoozed. It may have felt nice at first, but ultimately I just felt bad and it made me feel like my days were getting of to a slow, guilt ridden start. For me, I knew it was a feeling I didn't want moving forward.

From time to time, I break my own rule and "let myself sleep more." First off, I rarely actually sleep again so it's not really worth it. And again, it sets my day off to the wrong foot, so as time as passed it’s become a non-issue. I found my favorite reframe and work around was to allow myself naps (I read Daniel Pink’s When where it said naps are totally acceptable! So I trust the experts). I find I rarely take those, but it takes the guilt away. Most of the time, I just know to work a little harder to get to bed earlier the next night to make up sleep. (Getting excited to make more progress on whatever book I'm reading really helps too.)

If you haven’t noticed, getting up for me was more of a mind game than anything for me. There was a push and pull between getting going and self care. By looking at my energy and how my days felt, I was able to craft a routine that worked for me without sabotaging myself.

Getting going
As strange as it sounds, I have the pandemic and lockdown to thank for my morning practice really coming together (even my plank + push-up started then—something I could control in uncertain times). I knew when I wasn't allowed to leave my apartment, I wanted to create days with structure, and not lose the good habits (ie. not snoozing) I'd worked SO hard to create for myself.

I made the choice to keep my 7:10am wake-up even though I didn’t have to (and often didn’t feel like it, and in my case it has paid off. I needed the consistency, to stop making excuses, and it helped that I had a reason to wake up.

The first piece that came into place was London Writers' Salon started offering Writers' Hour—their free service where they open a Zoom room for 50 focused minutes of writing. It happens at 8am BST which is 9am Paris time (and several other times throughout the day). It also became the perfect anchor for me to be accountable for someone other than myself, and a way to show up for myself and my writing every day. (You can work on anything, and it's full of writers of all varieties).

It is much easier to “have somewhere to go” when you’re trying to start a morning practice. Thankfully there can be lots of room for interpretation for what that can mean, and what is exciting for you.

Fast forward one year, and there are two week day mornings when I didn’t sign into Writers’Hour (due to logistics). Otherwise, I even found a way to join from my phone as I sat on a bench by a lake, and once by a seaside port after an early train ride. It became a personal challenge and experiment in showing up for myself. It all paralleled my growing interest in the type of work I wanted to be doing. It’s amazing how much progress you can make on days where you don’t make a lot of “progress”—it really does all add up over time.

When I first started joining Writers’ Hour I had been reading a book that included daily journal prompts, which I'd started doing before Writers' Hour. When I finished the book, I realized I enjoyed the practice. During Writers' Hour I'd heard countless others in the "room" set their intention as writing morning pages, but also recount the benefits of doing it. It's a concept that comes from Julia Cameron's "The Artist Way" which is three pages of long hand journaling. Learning about the experience of others who journaled and wrote morning pages was incredibly expansive in my own journey. (I shared more of my journey into journaling in this post.)

I think when we go into power through mode, we can totally forget why we’re doing what we’re doing, and what we’re showing up for. Hearing stories of others persistence and success is just as valuable in the grand scheme of things.

The continued evolution
Now with a “framework” for my mornings that was anchored by a 7:10am wake up, journaling, and Writers’ Hour, over time I was able to continue to tweak and evolve to add more elements to support myself. This was not a quantity game and striving to do more, but make space for elements that didn’t necessarily look like mainstream productivity but would still support me as a human, and a business owner.

One of the hardest things to do was “breaking up with my phone.” I take 2-week social media breaks from time to time, which means I spend less time with my phone. There was a day when I didn’t check my phone until after Writers’ Hour at 10am, and I realized that was a nice feeling. Nothing was that urgent.

Over time I started to see my reactions to messages (or notice when people didn’t reply) and realized that energy wasn’t doing anything for me. I started to wonder what would happen if I made it my practice to not look at my phone until 10am. I would carry it face down from my bedroom to my living room, and challenge myself to not look at it. (Of course I could have never tempted myself with my phone in the bedroom to start with but that would be too easy ;) ). I learned having it next to me on my desk was temptation, so putting it to the side of my couch was much more fruitful. Out of sight, out of mind. Again, it did not take after one day of trail, but something that gained clarity over time.

This was one of the hardest habits to start, and the one I’m most likely to break, but when we start to see the benefits, it makes it easier to stick to a habit. I’ve also learned to be less hard on myself. When I do check my phone in the mornings, it’s quick and I know I won’t get sucked in. Afternoons/evenings are a whole other story—HA!—which is why I really enjoy knowing my days start off strong, so whatever happens from there doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I’m not trying to be a perfect human, I’m just trying to be human.

I think part of my “success” with my morning practice stemmed from the fact that I worked on one aspect at a time. If I had tried to cut everything off or add everything at once I don’t think I would have been able to see how each piece was really working together.

Last November a friend and I decided to do a meditation challenge (Deepka Chopra’s 21 Days of Abundance on YouTube). We both would do it on our own, and would check in with each other for a bit of accountability via text during the day. This had the perfect amount of flexibility and structure, along with encouragement and connection. The fact that it started as a 21 day challenge—not a forever thing—made it much more manageable.

This became an experiment in me allowing time for myself to get quiet and center myself in the beginning of my days. After 21 days I decided I really enjoyed it. Meditation was never something I thought I’d get into (we don’t learn about centering ourselves in school!), but once again, hearing the benefits and stories from others were encouraging for me to give it a chance (and surprise myself).

Like many people I was very judgemental about my mind wandering and thought I wasn’t good at meditating, until I realized it’s a practice like so many things. We don’t just wake up and be a great athlete, it takes time and showing up. I discovered the NYT Guide to Meditation with Tara Brach. Some of these meditations were 1 minute or 4 minutes.

I ended up refining my mornings so they started to look like 7:10am wake up, vitamins, warm water with fresh lemon, meditation (up to 15 minutes, often shorter), journal/morning pages, shower (I realized showering in the morning was key for my mental health and gets ideas flowing), read book (this is my latest evolution on days where I have time), Writers’ Hour, continue with my work (and maybe look at my phone, and maybe not).

My other non-negotiable is that I make myself go for a walk every day. When you’re a freelancer who works from home I’ve come to learn that this it’s way to easy to sit at a chair all day. “Podcast walks” were something I had started before the world went into lockdown, but making walks a daily practice have become something that’s essential for my mental—and physical—health. I’ve come to very much enjoy them. When I’m not listening to a podcast, sometimes I’ll call a friend to catch up as I stroll, listen to music, but also recognize that sometimes it’s important for me—and my work—to be quiet sometimes too. Overall, I found a way for walks to be fun for me.

I even started running one day a week just to have a different perspective on things. I’m not fast, but it’s a good reminder that we only get better through practice It all adds up over time. Sometimes a habit can start by asking yourself, “What if I try….?” – you never know what may happen…

When it comes to habits, we can often set the bar so high that we’re destined to fail and disappoint ourselves. But what if it really could be easy and simple as something that takes one minute? Whether it’s meditation or my abs, I can say these little things that don’t take a lot of time really can add up.

I had to look at the stories, excuses, and assumptions I was telling myself. Looking to others for ideas for how they approach their days was helpful. I never felt the need to copy their exact formula, but rather I knew I needed to figure out what worked for me. Will this still be my morning practice in 5 years time? I have no idea, but I feel good thinking back to where I’ve come (and how I felt like a mess) to where I am now (the world can feel like a mess, but I know I’m allowing structures and systems support me).

Here are some of my favorite resources that have helped me re-think what a morning practice can and should look like:

What are your habits? Share your secrets in the comments!

If you’re looking for support, check out my new 3-month Mapping Your Path Accountability Booster Group starting May 3rd. It’s an incredible group of humans from all industries and backgrounds. We’ll have co-working calls, mini group check-ins, and a super supportive Slack community where you’ll get direct access to my coaching and feedback!

working stylesAnne Ditmeyerhabits, morning practice, ways of workingComment