How to have hard conversations
This post on How to Have Hard Conversations was originally shared on Instagram on March 11, 2025. The caption read:
A new mini guide to help you have hard conversations in life! The principles apply to any and all subjects.
A lot of this is stuff I’ve had to learn later in life. I (subconsciously) grew up seeing as conflict and confrontation as bad and something to be avoided. Now I see it as a tool for deeper connection, helping us stand into our power and use our voice.
Hard conversations don’t have to be loud and angry. They can be subtle and gentle. You have them because you care.
The Gottman Institute is really good at this kind of thing. I’ve paraphrased their formula in one of the slides.
I’m curious. Based on your life experience what else would you include?
Discomfort is not a bad thing. It helps us grow.
What may seem scary or daunting is usually a good stretch.
Allow yourself to be guided by curiosity.
”When you said…. what did you mean?”
It’s hard in this day and age, but as much as possible go into the conversation with neutrality and curiosity.
(Don’t put words into someone’s mouth. Allow them to answer.)
Active listening is a key component to having hard conversations.
Everyone has the desire to be heard.
Active listening is a key component to having hard conversations.
Everyone has the desire to be heard.
Ask more questions. Follow up with clarifying questions. The 5 whys encourages asking why after each question to keep digging deeper.
The person on the other end of a hard conversation may get triggered by what you bring up. You may need to take a beat to diffuse the pressure and state your intention or desire to hear their perspective.
You can’t change people, but a conversation (or conversations) *may* help open someone’s mind.
Remember, we’re not going for instant results but the LONG GAME. You never know what seed may stick with someone.
Non-violent communication style encourages using “I” instead of “you” statements (which assign blame).
The Gottman Institute teaches the framework: “When [thing happened] I felt [emotion], in the future I would appreciate [alternate solution].”
Sometimes you need time between conversations. You can always follow up later with a resource or additional information.
The best part of hard conversations is that they have the power to forge deeper connections.
(Don’t expect this to happen over night. The fruits of your labors can take time to be visible.)
OK, your turn! Share your thoughts and insights in the comments of this post.
For more ideas to help you navigate life, check out my book, OVERRIDE! What if there was another way? A pocket playbook for possibility. 📓 I also run workshops for companies and teams which can help build soft skills. Sign up to be notified of my next Mapping Your Path 3-mo workshop + community. The next cohort kicks off in May.